Discipline Means Teaching

Your job as a parent is to teach your child what behavior is okay and safe, and what is not. This is one of the hardest things you will do as a parent. Different behaviors are acceptable in different families. Discipline takes time and patience. Discipline does not mean punishment. It is not harsh. Discipline if for teaching your child. It is not a way for you to express your feelings.

The goal of discipline is for your child to learn to choose healthy behaviors.

To help your child learn good behavior:
· Create a safe and secure environment
· Make clear and consistent rules
· Set a good example - be a role model
· Reward good behavior

Discipline is very different for an infant, a two-year old and a four-year old.

Babies, until about 15 months of age, are too young to understand rules:
· Remove things from their reach that are not safe.
· Distract them with toys or activities that are okay.
· Never shake or hit your baby.

Toddlers, until about age 3, need very simple rules.
· Make rules that your child is able to understand and follow.
· Explain the rule ahead of time. Be sure he understand it.
· Keep the same rule every day.

Your child will be better able to follow rules if you:
· Keep simple daily routines
· Give your child something to do when he needs to sit quietly
· Give healthy snacks when meals are late
· Avoid long visits and trips

Almost all children between the ages of one and three have temper tantrums to get your attention or to get their way.

If your child has a tantrum:

· Try to be calm. If you are loud or angry or hit your child, he will copy you.
· Make sure he is safe - that he will not hurt himself or others.
· If possible, ignore the behavior. Attention is usually what a child wants the most.
· If you can, take your child with you to a different room or go outside.
· Avoid arguing. It does not work.

Children need to know what to expect.
· A rule tells your child what you expect of him. He also needs to know what will happen if he chooses not to follow the rule.
· Set a simple daily routine. Remind your child about what will happen next.

Children need to be praised and hear that they are loved.
· Reward your child for good behavior
· Tell your child what you like about what he is doing
· Even if your child's behavior upsets you, make sure he knows that you still love him.
· Tell your child why his behavior upsets you.
· Give him a chance to understand what he has done.

Children learn by copying what their parents do.
· Tell and show your child what behaviors are okay.
· Show your feelings in ways that do not hurt.
· Try to remain calm. Never take your anger out on your child.
· Do not hit or spank your child. Do not use words that hurt.

You can get help learning how to manage behavior.
· Ask your child's doctor or nurse.
· Talk with other parents.
· Join a parent support group.
· Find out about home visiting programs in your area.
· Take a parenting class.

It is normal for your child's behavior to upset you. Take a break. You can call someone for advice or just to calm down. Call a friend or a parent hotline. Here are three telephone numbers to call for help:

Parent stress line: 1-800-632-8188
Counseling, open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Parents anonymous: 1-800-882-1250
Counseling and referrals to support groups

Chidlren's Trust Fund: 1-800-252-8403
Free materials and referrals to parenting classes and home visiting programs

Source: Book Growing Up Healthy, Sponsor by The Massachusetts of Public Health Bright Futures campaign, in collaboration with the United Way of Massachusetts Bay Success By 6 initiative, is happy to bring you Growing Up Healthy.